Worst. Fucking. Election. Ever.

I have really been trying to reign in my blue language in my posts, so as to appear more serious and respectable, but let’s be real. This election   is a fucking clusterfuck   is what a clusterfuck hopes to graduate to from a bunch of monkeys fucking a football   has proven to be  considerably harder to analyze and explain than most previous elections–than any election I have yet observed.

This is an election without any viable candidates. Literally the only chance that either party’s nominee has to win is the shittiness of the candidate they face. It’s beyond unusual, it is astounding.  I don’t even know if I can watch these debates. I fear they will be a political grotesque; a re-imagining of Salò: 120 Days of Sodom*,  writ large on the American political stage, as the world recoils in horror, terrified to watch yet unable to avert its gaze.

Hillary has supporters, and they cross a narrow spectrum. Some are fanatic Hilary supporters, some are fanatic Clinton supporters hoping for the Return of The Bill, some are so desperate to see a woman as president they don’t really give a shit what she stands for, doesn’t stand for, or is willing to stand for if it gets her elected. Donald is in the same boat. He has supporters, but most of his constituency is just people who hate the other guy more.
 
I have been following politics for a very long time. I’m pretty good at it, and have a successful record of calling elections, and this year I predict “I have no fucking idea how this will end right now.” It’s the first election in my life I’ve called that way. At least I won’t be wrong when it’s over. In my nearly half century, I have never seen the two leading political parties literally run the least popular candidates in their respective stables against each other. If politics is a horse race, this election is the two gimpiest mules stumbling and tripping down the track to see which one arrives with the least shit on them.
 
The most fascinating, bizarre, ridiculous, obscene and remarkable thing about this election is that it has exactly nothing to do with either candidate. The fanatics who flocked and flock to Sanders are critical. They, and only they, will decide this election. Make no mistake, Hillary and Donald supporters are bystanders this year. Those people all had their minds made up this time last year.
It is which way the Sanders supporters flock that will decide this race.Anything any other political analyst talks about this year is just bullshit.
If Donald Trump wasn’t a blithely dimwitted narcissist convinced he will win this election on the strength of his acumen and skill, he would be courting the spurned voters of this year’s Democratic Primary debacle to secure his victory. If Hillary Clinton was half the politician and pragmatist her husband is, she would be chasing them like a rabid Montague dog after a Capulet bitch in heat. She still seems to remain under the now-dangerous impression that, Just because Donald Trump is unelectable, he won’t actually be elected. And he just assumes, like every skilled huckster-salesman in every appliance store and car lot across this country, he will keep the suckers on the hook until the check clears. The ridiculous part of this tragic story is, which one of them is right will be entirely decided by people who hate both of them.
This isn’t an election, it’s a slow motion train wreck we all have Business Class seats on.
I’m really beginning to think she will lose this unlosable election. If she does, she will carry the dubious honor of being literally the most inept politician in American History.
So, after all that, how am I calling this election? Who is going to win? The sad answer is this may be the easiest election I’ve ever called in my life. The answer is:

Nobody. None of us are winning this election. No matter whom you vote for, no matter whoever gets elected, whoever it is will utterly demolish, desecrate or diminish something you care deeply about.

And no, that’s not just politics as usual, despite our jaded, cynical view of modern government. Its the politics we’ve chosen, and for which we have no one to blame but our own jaded cynicism.

*Yes, I did just link to that as a comparison of this election cycle. I stand by it. I won’t watch it, but it’s as good an artistic representation of this year’s election as you’re going to get

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